It was about a year ago when this journey began; not yet in
earnest but in the formative stages.
It started out as a "bucket list" journey. I had always wanted to see all 50 states and
Jeff wanted to ride as many of the IMBA Epic Mountain Bike rides as possible. It was, even more than that, our way of
spending as much time together as we could, doing the things that we
loved. It was also my way of dealing
with my illnesses on my terms; essentially dying with dignity.
Who knew that it would turn into a reinvention of life?
There are points in our lives that cause us to re-evaluate
our lives and their direction; graduation, marriage, the birth of children, the
purchase of a home, the change of a career, a catastrophic illness. Whether or not we are aware at the time, we
usually reinvent ourselves. Sometimes,
we barely notice our changes. This time,
the reinvention left me in awe.
My health has had ups and downs over the last year. While we were travelling by car from November
through January, I was feeling a bit better.
I was sleeping a little better. I
was working a little less. I also was
only working remotely, so I could for the most part make my own hours. I could rest when I needed, work when I
wanted. I was seeing different parts of
the country and best of all, family for the holidays!!! I was still using my cane quite a bit and
having lots of vertigo.
We were back in New Jersey for about a month, during which
time we purchased our motorhome. A bit
of a stressful time, but leading to the next stage of our life.
Our inaugural trip left NJ on February 15. Our plan was to come back when Winter ended
and prepare our house for sale. During
this trip, I was improving, slowly but steadily. The lack of stress really seemed to agree
with me.
When we arrived back in NJ in April, I was feeling pretty
good. It took longer for the dizzy
spells and pain to do me in. I knew we
had a lot of work to do in emptying our
house of 17 years of "crap".
The two month trip in the motor home showed us how little we really
needed to get by; a true simplification of our lives. The time we spent cleaning out the house and
preparing it for the market was some of the most intense stress of my
life. By the time we left on our next
trip in May, I was back to barely being able to walk and suffering from
complete exhaustion.
We knew that we needed to return in September for a couple
weddings, so our trip was planned to that end.
I didn't bounce back as quickly this time on the road. I was tired most of the time. The pain was still pretty significant, the
dizziness still pretty prevalent. Every
day it would get a bit better, but any day that I did sightseeing or something
else significant, I would need at least two days to recover. We spent four months on the road this time,
including a lot of time with the family this summer.
When we were in Northern Minnesota, on our return trip to
New Jersey, there was a couple around our age next to us in the
campground. The wife had many health
issues similar to mine and told me how going gluten-free had changed her
life. I had dabbled with the idea of
going gluten-free for a couple years, but I was scared.
I have often heard that one should "Eat to live, not
live to eat." That's not how I was
reared. Food meant so much to me; no
wonder I was so obese. Being diagnosed
as a diabetic may have been an inevitability, but I managed to adapt and change
my diet; dropped a good amount of weight and definitely enjoyed that. But the idea of having an even more
restrictive diet terrified me. I have
some friends who have restrictive diets, but I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think I was strong enough. Food was too much a part of my personality.
But I thought back to the concept of "eat to live"
and decided to give it a try. Within a
few days of eliminating gluten from my diet , I was bouncing back. I had so little pain and so much more energy
it was astounding. I definitely would
not say I was "cured", but I am in such a better place now. My pain is minimal and while my energy is not
comparable to most people's, I can do so much more than I could a year
ago. Last year I was in a wheelchair for
any sightseeing encompassing more than a couple blocks of walking. I would be so tired and have so much vertigo,
I was afraid to go anywhere.
Now, I go mostly where I want and do what I want. I just need to remain aware that I probably
have to rest for a day or so after something strenuous. I can even ride my bike again! On flat trails, I am good for around 8
miles. Jeff has started taking me on
some easy singletrack and a mile or two will pretty much wipe me out; but boy,
is it worth it!
I quit blogging over the summer because I was feeling so
"crappy". I was doing a little
sightseeing, seeing some friends and family, but crying myself to sleep most
nights because of the pain. At one point
this summer, things were so bad I was scared that the end was coming and it
would be the last time I would see my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren.
I have been unable to
pick up the blog again, because I was "reinventing" myself and trying
to figure out what direction I want to go.
I know I still have the same health issues; cancer, Hashimoto's disease,
diabetes, but I don't feel like a patient or victim any more. Instead of dying with dignity, I am now
focusing on living life on my own terms.
So, at this holiday time of Thanksgiving, I am grateful,
more than I ever knew I could be. I am
grateful for the life I have, the
friends and family I have and the future I see, however long or short it may
be.
I think I am ready to resume blogging. I think I know where I want to go with my
life.
So to all my friends and acquaintances, I am grateful for
you all. Most especially, I am grateful
for my infinitely patient, amazing child-like husband. He is always there to pick me up when I fall
and make me laugh when I take life too seriously. He puts up with all my nonsense and comes
back for more.
So now, I present the new me. More to come...
